I watched Oprah today during my daily workout at the company gym. I always take my break at 4pm so I can see her show. Guess I'm a man who's very secure in his masculinity (ok, ok, I'm gay too and, stereotypically, we're supposed to love Oprah, right?). The topic of her show was race and featured two families, the Sparks family, who are African-American, and the Wurgel family, who are white, who shared a home in L.A. for a new documentary series called "Black. White." Using cutting-edge Hollywood makeup techniques, the Sparks family became white and the Wurgel family became black. After several hours in the makeup chair each day, both families would go out into the world to see what life is like as the member of a different race. In their new skin, the Sparks and the Wurgels went undercover shopping, working and socializing with the opposite race. What followed was a fascinating and, at times, very heated conversation about their experiences.
As I watched this, it dawned on me that being white and having been raised in upper middle class (at times wealthy), white neighborhoods, I have little insight and understanding as to what it's like to grow up as an African American in the United States. I can read about black experiences and concerns (which I have, extensively), I can take African American history (which I did in college), I can go see black authors and speakers (seeing Maya Angelou was one of the highlights of my life), I can listen closely to black friends and what they've experienced but when it comes down to it, I can't truly understand a black American experience. My genetics and upbringing don't allow me to. I do, however, have some understanding of what it's like to be a minority that is often maligned, viewed with suspicion and discriminated against. Gay folks experience these things and I've seen and felt the sting of bigotry on a first hand basis. I understand just how poisonous being on the receiving end of discrimination can be to one's soul and it makes me especially capable of rage when I see it in any form, directed towards any individual.
The other issue that was raised in the program was the issue of the use of the "N" word. The black family was uncomfortable, indeed angered, when the white father, while dressed in black "drag" and in a African American focus group, used the word as part of his black persona. The white father defended his use saying that he understood the word to be used commonly, almost affectionately, amongst black folks. Oprah related an experience she and her black security guard/driver had as she arrived at Nelson Mandela's home once. Mandela's doorman greeted them by saying, "Welcome, please come in my n---ers." Taken aback by this, Winfrey's guard pulled the doorman aside and advised him that that term wasn't ok. He replied that he was sorry and that he was just going by American movies and music videos he'd seen and thought that what he'd seen in them indicated that this was an popular, ordinary and acceptable term.
It reminded me of being a teenager and listening to Richard Pryor who was the funniest and most influential comedian of the time. He used the term freely, actually hilariously and, in doing so, taught me and my friends and countless other people that it was ok use this reference. A few short years later, Pryor went to Africa and when he returned he announced that he would no longer use the term; he stated that when he was in Africa he had seen black people in a new way, and repudiated the word, purging it from his act. Pryor said, "It was a wretched word. Its connotations weren't funny, even when people laughed. To this day, I wish I'd never said the word. I felt its lameness. It was misunderstood by people. They didn't get what I was talking about. Neither did I." In making this change, Richard Pryor taught me that it wasn't ok to use this word so I too purged it from my lingo. Ever since when I've heard it used, be it by racists, rhapsodists or rappers, it's bothered me.
Race in America is never an easy subject, always sure to set people on edge and open the door to painful memories and experiences. I'm just thankful that I have friends from all ethnic backgrounds. How boring would life be to just know and experience only people that looked like me and had a similar background? I appreciate peoples differences but even more so I appreciate how very similar we really all are in our common humanity.
