I'm continuing on down the road of recovery and, by and large, enjoying the journey. 74 days of complete sobriety although I will admit to being intoxicated by clarity of thought, vividly felt emotion and an occassional indulgent dessert. Life is still good.
I had the opportunity last night to see an old friend who I'd been out of touch with for many months. I'm still getting used to telling people of my addiction and rehab experience and I found myself quite anxious as the time to meet this friend approached. As you might imagine a true friend to react, he was pleased and supportive when I told him of my newfound abstinence and the related experiences. My anxiety quickly melted away and our conversation soon turned to life, men, sex, politics and all the other things we would normally jabber about.
I guess it's a natural human reaction to feel the way I did when our meeting approached. When a person must admit and discuss their substance abuse, it dredges up a variety of bad memories and feelings. It also causes the mind to run wild with the possible reactions of the person they're about to talk with. So far the reactions have not justified the anxiety. All friends and family members I've outed myself to regarding all this have been loving and supportive including one friend who insists on telling me in every voice mail they leave that I sound"so clear" and "so good". I could live without this repeated reminder of how inebriated I must have sounded prior to July 28, 2005 but I also realize that the motivation behind this friend telling me this over and over again is truly a good one. I'll get over it.
Onward without the fog.
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