The Gifts of Sobriety

January 28th marked 6 months clean for me and I was struck with the realization that so many great things are coming into my life as a result. I find myself enjoying stellar health and am well on my way to meeting my goal of having a similar level of fitness as I enjoyed 4 years ago. I'm enjoying a lack of turbulence and chaos in my life; boredom is not necessarily a bad thing. I actually have money left in my bank account at the end of each month and all my bills are paid on time. I'm dating a really cute, intelligent, vivacious guy who seems truly interested in me and appears to like the fact that he doesn't have to deal with an intoxicated boyfriend (which was his previous experience). I'm rebuilding relationships I thought were long since destroyed and have recently gotten a call from old friends whom I'd done wrong over a decade ago; they are forgiving and wish to renew the friendship. Nine out of every ten days I wake up and enjoy a good day. Call it karma, call it God, call it the ways of the universe, but I'm finding that as long as I maintain clarity, attempt to remain concious of how I'm feeling and why and I attempt to do the right thing, good things continue to come my way.

And for this, we are grateful.

Drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip.............................

Rep. Bob Ney announced today he was giving up his position as chair of the House Administration Committee. According to court papers filed in the Jack Abramoff case, Abramoff supplied a member of Congress -- identified only as "Representative 1" -- with gifts in exchange for getting the lawmaker to help his clients, including agreeing to support specific bills and placing statements in the Congressional Record. It appears that Ney is Representative 1. Ney was qouted as saying, ""Once these false allegations have been put to rest, and I have the full confidence that they will be, I look forward to resuming the chair for the rest of my appointed term and continuing the important work of the committee." Uh huh. Reminds me of what another Congressman said not too long ago, "I have done nothing wrong, I have violated no law, no regulation, no rule of the House." That one is Tom Delay and we all know how well things are going for him.

The Abramoff scandal promises to keep the public focused on the shenanigans of the Republican Congress. Yes Virginia, there are a few Dems involved but, despite how the Chairman of the RNC, the talkin heads on Faux Neus and other right wingers try to portray this, it's a Republican scandal. The majority of those who will be indicted (yes, will be indicted) will be Republicans and the fact that Abramoff was a Republican insider who had strong pull with the Bush White House is yet another drip in the ever filling bucket of feculence that is this Republican government.

The scandals keep coming. Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham and his taste for yachts and chilled champagne, the mishandling of the aftermath of that little hurricane named Katrina ("You're doin' a heck of a job Brownie"), there's Plamegate and the "Scooter" Libby indictmant, Sen. Frist's stock sale being investigated by the SEC, DeLay's indictment in Texas, Bush's illegal order to wiretap Americans without a warrant, Abramoff and all that he will bring to the headlines in 2006. Those are just the biggies. There are a number of smaller scandles that have been in the mix for a while, any one of which could come to the forefront in the next few months and don't forget that Special Prosecutor Fitzgerald is still investigating the Plame affair so Karl Rove aint outta the woods yet.

Drip, drip, drip, drip..............

The Links

On the right hand side of this blog, below my profile, are links to some websites that I like and to some friends sites/blogs. I was scolded yesterday by a friend who had only then discovered my blog (I thought he'd seen it via my comments on his...oops, guess not) for not having his blog linked on mine. Well Santi, consider yourself linked.

Here's a brief synopsis of the friends blogs:

Cathie : I've never met Cathie. She ended up linked on my site because in the "early days", she posted a comment on my site that she was in the process of starting her own blog and liked my style. We've kept up with each other's blogs ever since. As best I can tell, Cathie is originally from Australia, is married and has kids, lives in Virginia, is a liberal like myself, has a good sense of humor and watches way too much TV. Guess that's why her blog is called Cathie Watches TV, huh? That's one of the cool things about the internet, you can make a connection with people you've never met. I'm glad to have connected with Cathie; maybe we'll meet one day.

Brad : Brad's an old friend who liked the idea of a blog and started his own. We have the same political views but he's a bit of a football lunatic. We all have our shortcomings; the football thing is one of Brad's. I forgive him for it.

Santi : I've known Santiago for a while now. Our friendship has been detailed yet cursory, close yet distant, straightforward yet abstract. We work at the same company where, as he puts it, we're both Customer Service Bitches. A sensitive thinker, Santi writes about his life in Austin, love gained, love lost, his fascination with reality TV and his observations about life. It's an entertaining read with some great links of it's own.

Michael : Michael's an old friend from my days at the Luxury Collection. Michael and I have travelled together, spent more than a few inebriated evenings together, had a number of good times and hung out a couple of gay bars together (although Michael is not gay....very, very not gay). He's a talented artist, writer and songwriter. He hasn't done anything with his site in......well, a hell of a long time. I think he's become addicted to some damn computer game. Maybe one day he'll write again.

10 Final Thoughts for 2005

Number 10 - Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which it is possible for one to die.
Number 8 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see a guy without a hard-on, fix him a sandwich.
Number 7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks at a time.
Number 6 - Some people are like a Slinky.....not really good for much of anything, but you still can't repress a smile when you see one tumbling down the stairs.
Number 5 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, when everyone finally realizes that chocolate is a major food group.
Number 4 - All of us could take a good lesson from the weather. It pays no attention at all to criticism.
Number 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars, and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
Number 2 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
AND THE NUMBER 1 FINAL THOUGHT FOR 2005: We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got single a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe the Department of Agriculture should be in charge of immigration.

by unknown, D. Cutrer and E. Miller

Old 97's - Never a Train Wreck

I went to La Zona Rosa here in Austin last night to see the Old 97's, the "alt-country" band fronted by my nephew, Rhett Miller. It's become tradition that the 97's play in Austin between Christmas and New Years every year and it always turns into a mini family reunion with Rhett's various siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends and his 69 year old grandmother in attendance (his oldest Austin groupie). The guest list has to be a chore for Rhett and rather amusing for the attendant at the ticket window - "Now which Miller are you?".

Watching Rhett on stage last night I was lost in thought as I was flooded with memories about him over the years. I recall Rhett (and brother Ross and sister Christi) as sweet, funny, inquisitive kids in Highland Park; the shy, soft spoken teen with doe-like eyes; reports of a burgeoning teen folkie star in Dallas; numerous Austin Old 97's shows; my ill-fated trip to Manahattan to see the show (and the ensuing hospital stay); the horror we all felt when we were told that Rhett and wife Erica had barely escaped Ground Zero on 9/11; the joy of their son Max's arrival in the world and of the news that another child is on the way. Rhett's been a forgiving soul where I've been concerned over the years and has always been compassionate and kind.

An Old 97's show never dissapoints. Even if I weren't a proud family member, I'd enjoy the show. The 97's are tight, high energy and have their act long since down. But seeing family there and, even more importantly, seeing my 69 year old mother at the show bopping to the music along with all the twenty somethings makes it all that much more enjoyable.

Rock on Rhett.

PS: I was informed by my mom that she is 68 not 69. I am SOOOO in the doghouse.

Jingle Bells Palsy

After going to sleep about 3:30 this morning, I find myself awake at 5:30am. Excitement about Santa and Christmas morning? I wish. My insomnia is actually caused by steroid use; I've been taking Prednisone for 5 days now after having been diagnosed with Bells Palsy .

One week ago, I had this very strange sensation in my face; the left side of my face around my cheek and lip felt as though I was on the tail end of the effects of a shot of novacaine. The right side of my face didn't seem to want to fully cooperate with the slightly numb left side. It was just weird and I was having a little trouble actually articulating to myself what I was experiencing. Three days later I was seen by the nurse practitioner at work (how lucky am I to work for a place that has health care on site?) and she made the diagnosis of Bells Palsy. Bells palsy is a condition that causes the facial muscles to weaken or become paralyzed. It's caused by trauma to the 7th cranial nerve, and is not permanent in the majority of cases. But it's damn sure freaky. For example, if I try to raise my eyebrows in unison, the left one works, the right one doesn't; if I try to flare my nostrils, same thing. Try to grin a wide smile, I look like a character actor who has a half smile. My right eyelid doesnt close as much or as well as the left. All in all, rather disconcerting.

The research seems to indicate that Bells Palsy is brought on by Herpes Simplex 1 (HSV-1). No, this isn't the "I been sleepin' around" Herpes (that's believed to be Herpes Simplex 2 - HSV-2). Exposure to HSV-1 is common with a vast majority of the population having been exposed to it. Most people are exposed during childhood. Kissing between relatives is the most frequent source of exposure, but it may be possible that the virus is also spread while sharing towels, utensils, etc. The active virus is commonly associated with cold sores, but the virus often runs its course without causing any blisters - blisters actually appear only 15% of the time and I've never had a cold sore. The result is a large population of HSV-1 carriers who do not know they've been exposed to the virus. There's also Herpes Zoster wich is the chicken pox/shingles virus but that's another story. It's thought that when the latent virus reactivates at the facial nerve the immune system begins to produce antibodies, causing an inflammation.The nerve itself becomes inflamed, or the inflammation within the canal exerts pressure on the nerve. The result is that the nerve is compressed inside its bony tube and the compression of the nerve is the injury that stops transmission of signals to muscles. Unable to receive signals to contract and relax, the muscles become temporarily weakened or paralyzed.

Not content to sit back and be passive about this, I've hit it with everything I can think of. I'm taking Valtrex (an antiviral), prednisone which I've discovered has some nasty side effects including include retention of sodium (salt) and fluid, weight gain, high blood pressure, loss of potassium, headache, muscle weakness, puffiness of the face and psychiatric disturbances. The psychiatric disturbances include depression, euphoria, insomnia, mood swings, personality changes, and even psychotic behavior. I haven't had any psychotic behavior (at least not any that any of my personalities remembers) and I damn sure havent had any euphoria (a little friggin' euphoria would be a damned nice Christmas gift Santa). But insomnia, a little depression and some bona fide grumpiness I'm definitely experiencing.

I'm also wolfing down the B vitamins, the amino acid L-carnatine, echinacia, have visited a chiropracter and had my first acupuncture session yesterday. Leave no stone unturned. This morning (now almost 7am as I write this) I'm thinking there may have been a very, very slight improvement, perhaps 5-10% in my facial muscle control. But I'm so exhausted and irritable it's hard to tell.

So say a prayer for my face folks. Imagine me not being able to show a full look of surprise (and there is so much that amazes me daily). If I'm really PO'd I can't flare my nostrils like an angry bull. Did I mention I'd like for my right eye to blink without me making a concious effort? If I see a really cute guy, I've always winked with my right eye. Am I supposed to change my whole "here's winking at you kid" thing to the left now?! A half smile may look good on the Mona Lisa but I need a whole one.

Ho, ho, ho.......

Simply the Best

I was pleased to see that Tina Turner is amongst the most recent recipients of the Kennedy Center Honors. Tina Turner has always been one of my favorite performers and I've had the pleasure of seeing her six times (1978, 1985, 1987, 1997 and twice during her farewell tour in 2000). The first time I saw her was at the Dallas Fairmont Hotel's Brasserie Room. I was all of 17 and didn't know much about Tina or what she did but a friend who worked there got me in for free and I rarely pass up free things.

I was blown away by this woman! Seeing her from 40 feet with about 100 other people, I remember thinking to myself that she was truly incredible and really should be playing stadiums. Within a few short years she was. If you've never seen Tina Turner live, the only way I can describe her is this hot blast of sensual energy hitting the stage. The woman goes and goes and goes for 2 hours (in stiletto heels no less) and always finished the show with her trademark Proud Mary (it's hers even if CCR wrote it). Even at the last show when she was 61 years old, she virtually outdanced her backup dancers who were less than half her age. As Oprah said at the awards ceremony, seeing Tina live was something that one should "Add ... to the list of things you do before you die." Her life story and her vitality can provide us all with lessons in persistance and the fact that age is really just a number.

The Kennedy Center Honors will be shown on December 27th.

An Egregious Failure of Duty

There is much discussion these days as to the proper course of action in Iraq. This is a vitally important question, one which the President, the Congress and the American people should take seriously and give thoughtful consideration to. The outcome of this war, now that we've launched it and are caught deep in the quagmire, has tremendous implications for the future of the Middle East and the security of the United States.

Equally important is the discussion regarding the failings of the administration in the run up to this endeavor. We all recall the rage and violation that we felt on September 11, 2001. While I personally have never liked George W. Bush or felt he was a legitimate President, I supported him whole heartedly in the days immediately after 9/11 and was completely in favor of going into Afghanistan to clean out that sewer of terrorists and radical Islamic fundamentalists. Indeed this feeling was prevalent throughout the country in early 2002. At that time, 76% of Americans approved of the job Bush was doing in dealing with the war on terrorism.

When the United States sorely needed a leader who would conduct a real international campaign against terrorism and its causes using skill and determination, Bush chose instead to unilaterally declare war on a state that did not and never had represented a terrorist threat. He and his minions shirked their duty and used the vicious attack on the US as an excuse to attack Iraq and enrich campaign contributors. His duty was to protect Americans, not unnecessarily thrust American troops into harm's way. His duty was to decrease the threat of terrorism, not fuel it. His duty was to judiciously use the goodwill towards the US that was prevalent after 9/11, not squander it.

George W. Bush failed in his duty to the country.

120 Days (but who's counting?)

Today marks 4 months clean and sober. I won't be at my gay 12 Step meeting as I went yesterday and, in all honesty, I just wanna go home, watch the TV and do a little Ebay shopping. Not to worry folks, I just wanna veg at home, not wash down morphine with a good bourbon. It's only been on occasion that I've had a hankerin' for a glass of wine or a Maker's Mark with a splash of coke. Not a craving mind you, just a thought about how much I do enjoy the taste of each. Having dinner with my sister at a nice restaurant in downtown Austin a week ago, I ordered a beef filet that, while delicious, would have been better with a rich cabernet.

But alas, it's very clear to me that my propensity to use Rx drugs is fueled by my need/desire to alter my mood and that if I drink, even just a little bit, that faint, addictive voice in my head will be telling me very soon, "If it's ok for you to have a glass of wine with dinner, it's gonna be ok for you to take a xanax. Go ahead, you can do it! You can just have one". Of course if I do, I won't have just one; I'll have four. That time. Then it will be six and on and on. Then it'll be back to the treatment center and I really do prefer the high thread count linens on my bed and not having a manic depressive roommate who flicks his Bic lighter all over the room at 5am.

There are so many benefits to daily sobriety. Conciousness. Clarity. Regularity (yeah, the high fiber kind). Like WOW! It's so nice to remember exactly what I did the day before (even if I can't always remember where my wallet is). It's so nice to have people actually seem to enjoy my phone calls (even if I'm not prone to calling very often). It's so nice to enjoy being cognizant of every feeling I have (even if sometimes that feeling is that something or someone has irritated the piss outta me). It's just nice being present, alert, in control and not being the "victim" that I'd become. Life is better.

PS: I did go to a meeting after all.........

Re: The Best of Craigslist

OK, some of this stuff is priceless.....a MUST read!

The Best of Craigslist

For some reason I've just recently discovered Craigslist, the online posting site for jobs, classified, rants/raves, personals, sex and a lot more. The best part of it is the Best of Craigslist. Check it out:

http://austin.craigslist.org/about/best/

What Does Your Dad Do?

David was in his fifth grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up - fireman, policeman, salesman, etc.

David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father."My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and have sex with him for money."

The teacher, shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring and took little David aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," said David, "he works for the Bush administration, but I was too
embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

Dishonest? The President? You betcha!

AP poll: Most Americans say Bush not honest

It only took six years, 2055 armed service member deaths, $1 trillion in additional federal debt, death and dispair in New Orleans, and a precipitous decline in respect for the United States amongst the world community, but finally Americans are beginning to see W and his cronies as the dishonest, thieving warmongers they are and always have been. You can't fool the American people. Well, not for more than 6 years anyway.

What lies have been told by this crowd? OK, let's take it from the top:

1) Bush won the 2000 election; Horseshit. Actually, numerous crimes were committed to steal the election in 2000.

2) Massive tax cuts were a good idea, indeed essential and would equally benefit all tax payers; Horseshit. Actually 52 percent of the total tax cuts went to the richest one percent and a certain number of low and middle-income families received no tax cut, the cuts weren't necessary and indeed are causing the country great harm. See the $1 trillion dollar reference above.

3) Iraq possessed chemical weapons, had attempted to purchase equipment to enrich uranium for nuclear weapons, was a threat to the United States and might deliver WMD's via drones to the continental US at any time; Horseshit. We invaded a country that had not attacked us, did not want war with us, and did not threaten us—to strip it of weapons we now know it did not have and the administration knew it didn't have prior to the start of the war.

4) Saddam had long-established ties with al Qaeda; Horseshit. This lie has been a favorite of Darth Cheney. The Sept. 11 commission reported that it found no "collaborative relationship" between Iraq and al Qaeda. Period.

5) Bush said he was supporting our troops in combat; Horseshit. An investigation by 60 Minutes and numerous other news organizations found an alarming lack of armored vehicles, field radios, night vision goggles, and even ammunition. Brave men and women were maimed and/or died because of this.

6) The economy was in recession when W took the oath of office on Jan. 20, 2001; Horseshit. According to National Bureau of Economic Research, the official arbiter of recessions and expansions, the recession did not begin until after President Clinton left office with the economy peaking and beginning to shrink in March 2001, two months after the Bush presidency began.

7) Bush had no idea and would not have sold his Harken stock had he known of the company's impending setback; Horseshit. SEC records show that Harken's president had warned board members two months before Bush's sell-off that the company had liquidity problems that would "drastically affect" operations. Bush was a board member.

One could go on and on. This administration was born of a massive fraud in Florida and its policies and conduct have been based on lie after lie and excessive secrecy. It's sad that brave people died, poor people drowned, our national debt was run up to reward the wealthy and world opinion of the US had to be fractured while the majority of Americans took their sweet time to pull their heads out of their buttocks and figure this out. The crimes committed by this administration caused grave harm to our country and the only appropriate answer for these crimes is prosecution of those responsible and the impeachment of this President. While that's a long shot with Republicans in control of Congress, it's not outside the realm of possibility. Whatever the outcome, for the sake of these United States, the elections of 2006 and 2008 must produce a dramatic change. If not, we're doomed to more war, financial ruin and more lies.

Haven't we had enough?

Thoughts on Being 44

44 year ago today, my mother was kind enough to endure labor and delivery and bring me into the world. Guess I owe her one, huh? I mean, carrying a human being around in your womb and then passing that lil' rascal isn't something I'd do without expecting some payback. Heck, make that a lifetime of gratitude, some foot rubs and peeled grapes on demand. Fortunately, my mom aint that demanding; she just asks that I cause her no inordinate amount of worry and, recently, I've made every attempt to oblige.

My BD was remembered by a couple of people whom I know keep up with these things and by one or two who surprised me. Then there are a couple who never remember even though I make a point of remembering there's. One of those goes so far as to plan themselves a birthday dinner and gets a little pouty if people can't make it, but even when I drop hints about mine coming up, he/she doesn't remember mine. Oh well, it is after all only one day.

If I live to be 88 (which is a toss up given that males in my father's side tend to die by 70 and my mom's side not much more than that although almost all were smokers; I'm not, my blood pressure is pretty good, cholesterol is good and I've quit abusing my body), that means I'm halfway through my life. Wow that's a hell of a note. It seems like I should get a sportscar, a toupee and a young, trophy boyfriend. But then, I dont have the money for a sportscar, I still have most of my hair and I've been looking for the young, trophy guy for a while now.

Maybe I'll postpone the midlife crisis until I'm 50.

Samuel Alito’s America

ALITO WOULD OVERTURN ROE V. WADE: In his dissenting opinion in Planned Parenthood v. Casey, Alito concurred with the majority in supporting the restrictive abortion-related measures passed by the Pennsylvania legislature in the late 1980’s. Alito went further, however, saying the majority was wrong to strike down a requirement that women notify their spouses before having an abortion. The Supreme Court later rejected Alito’s view, voting to reaffirm Roe v. Wade. [Planned Parenthood of Southeastern Pennsylvania v. Casey, 1991]

ALITO WOULD ALLOW RACE-BASED DISCRIMINATION: Alito dissented from a decision in favor of a Marriott Hotel manager who said she had been discriminated against on the basis of race. The majority explained that Alito would have protected racist employers by “immuniz[ing] an employer from the reach of Title VII if the employer’s belief that it had selected the ‘best’ candidate was the result of conscious racial bias.” [Bray v. Marriott Hotels, 1997]

ALITO WOULD ALLOW DISABILITY-BASED DISCRIMINATION: In Nathanson v. Medical College of Pennsylvania, the majority said the standard for proving disability-based discrimination articulated in Alito’s dissent was so restrictive that “few if any…cases would survive summary judgment.” [Nathanson v. Medical College of Pennsylvania, 1991]

ALITO WOULD STRIKE DOWN THE FAMILY AND MEDICAL LEAVE ACT: The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) “guarantees most workers up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave to care for a loved one.” The 2003 Supreme Court ruling upholding FMLA [Nevada v. Hibbs, 2003] essentially reversed a 2000 decision by Alito which found that Congress exceeded its power in passing the law. [Chittister v. Department of Community and Economic Development, 2000]

ALITO SUPPORTS UNAUTHORIZED STRIP SEARCHES: In Doe v. Groody, Alito agued that police officers had not violated constitutional rights when they strip searched a mother and her ten-year-old daughter while carrying out a search warrant that authorized only the search of a man and his home. [Doe v. Groody, 2004]

ALITO HOSTILE TOWARD IMMIGRANTS: In two cases involving the deportation of immigrants, the majority twice noted Alito’s disregard of settled law. In Dia v. Ashcroft, the majority opinion states that Alito’s dissent “guts the statutory standard” and “ignores our precedent.” In Ki Se Lee v. Ashcroft, the majority stated Alito’s opinion contradicted “well-recognized rules of statutory construction.” [Dia v. Ashcroft, 2003; Ki Se Lee v. Ashcroft, 2004] \r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n",1]

Sure sounds familiar.

"I have done nothing wrong" - Tom DeLay, R-Texas, Sept. 28, 2005

"I'm not a crook" - Richard Nixon, Apr. 3, 1974

Oh How I Long For the Days of a Blow Job Scandal...

"I will also swear to you that I will bring honor and dignity to the White House, so help me God," George W Bush, October 30, 2000.

With the indictment of "Scooter" Libby, W's White House is showing just how honorable it really is. Bold lies, deception, cronyism, greed and arrogance have characterized this administration. These indictments may just be the crack in the seemingly teflon armor that has allowed these thieves to operate with seeming impunity. Indeed one political commentator predicted these indictments by saying, "my guess is that there are multiple indictments coming, for lying to investigators, perjury, obstruction of justice, and disclosure of national security secrets for political purposes. And maybe conspiracy."

The indictments are just the beginning. This has the potential to cause the media and the general public to finally start asking pointed questions about a number of things, especially the Iraq war and how it happened in the first place. That same political commentator I quoted above went on to say, "What the White House has to fear is a trial, six months or a year down the road, where all the secrets of what was done to stampede us into war come spilling out.. it could...become about whether we were lied into a war General Odom calls the 'greatest strategic disaster in the history of the United States'." That commentator was no namby pamby, pinko commie, left winger; that commentator was none other than Pat Buchanan and if Pat's concerned about this possibility, my guess is the neocons are having a case of incontinence.

Libby and lying to investigators, Delay and criminal conspiracy, Frist and insider trading stock sales, the indictment of Larry Franklin for leaking classified intelligence, the scandals keep on a comin'. They all involve criminal acts that relate to greed, violation of the law for political gain, passing classified information to a foreign government or lying to a grand jury about revealing a CIA operative's name in retaliation for her husband not supporting an illegal war.

And the Republicans got the country all whipped up because Clinton lied about a blow job?

Bringing Freedom to Iraq.....oh, and Death Too

"Iraq airstrikes kill dozens in Ramadi area"the headline reads today. The always honest U.S. military reported that coalition forces launched airstrikes Sunday in and around Ramadi, west of Baghdad, killing "an estimated 70 terrorists." Of course they didnt mention the 20 people killed -- including six children -- and 25 wounded who, according to an Iraqi doctor,were civilians. Of course, the administration doesnt want to talk about the innocents dead as a result of our illegal war. W was quoted as saying, "The bombers are having an effect...hundreds of innocent Iraqis are being killed." Now W wasn't speaking about our bombers rather he was speaking of insurgent bombers. While he may have expressed concern about innocent Iraqi's killed by our bombs at some point, I could find nothing indicating he ever had. Not surprising.

The internet site, iraqibodycount.net, advises that somewhere between 26,000 and 30,000 Iraqi civilians have been killed in US airstrikes and related military action including up to 7,350 deaths which resulted from coalition military action during the "major-combat" phase prior to May 1st 2003. Now don't get me wrong, I realize that Saddam Hussien was an evil, despotic tyrant. I realize that he ordered the deaths of many, many innocent people. But I'm deeply bothered that I am represented by a government that would use my money to invade a country under false pretenses and cause the deaths of all these people using bombs and bullets bought with my tax dollars. The Ultra Right, blinder wearing, uberPatriots dont seem bothered by any of this. They arent bothered by (the soon to be) 2,000 US dead, they certainly arent bothered by or perhaps even cognizant of the Iraqi deaths, and they arent bothered by the outright lies that got us into this mess.

They may not be bothered by any of this but I am.

How Annoying!

As I go through my daily routine, I find there are some things that annoy me. Among them:

1) Obnoxious, loud cell phone rings. Cell phones have a vibrate option; use it.

2) Loud, public cell phone conversations. Find a remote corner somewhere.

3) Automated phone answering "trees" that have too many options and slow, SLOW computerized voices giving me those options.

4) People who wear too much cologne. The only person that should be able smell your cologne is a person who is kissing your neck, not me across the room.

5) People who hyphenate their last names (usually women). Just pick one, ok? And please dont ask me to call you Ms. Huffstetler-Chaikovsky. Jeez.

6) People who talk to me on speaker phones without asking permission first.

7) Forwarded emails that havent had the multiple addresses edited off. If you MUST forward me emails, perform this simple courtesy, ok?

8) Cigarette smoking. Period. 'Nuff said.

9) Stupid commercials, especially those with jingles that become glued to your brain.

What annoys you?

Unfounded Anxiety

I'm continuing on down the road of recovery and, by and large, enjoying the journey. 74 days of complete sobriety although I will admit to being intoxicated by clarity of thought, vividly felt emotion and an occassional indulgent dessert. Life is still good.

I had the opportunity last night to see an old friend who I'd been out of touch with for many months. I'm still getting used to telling people of my addiction and rehab experience and I found myself quite anxious as the time to meet this friend approached. As you might imagine a true friend to react, he was pleased and supportive when I told him of my newfound abstinence and the related experiences. My anxiety quickly melted away and our conversation soon turned to life, men, sex, politics and all the other things we would normally jabber about.

I guess it's a natural human reaction to feel the way I did when our meeting approached. When a person must admit and discuss their substance abuse, it dredges up a variety of bad memories and feelings. It also causes the mind to run wild with the possible reactions of the person they're about to talk with. So far the reactions have not justified the anxiety. All friends and family members I've outed myself to regarding all this have been loving and supportive including one friend who insists on telling me in every voice mail they leave that I sound"so clear" and "so good". I could live without this repeated reminder of how inebriated I must have sounded prior to July 28, 2005 but I also realize that the motivation behind this friend telling me this over and over again is truly a good one. I'll get over it.

Onward without the fog.